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Paradoxical conversations: when a “yes” is really a “no”.
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[url=https://www.rxshopmd.com/products/antinarcoleptic/buy-modafinil-modalert/]comprar modafinilo[/url]п»їHuman communication is made to achieve understanding, the curious thing is that many times we achieve the opposite. This is when we dive into the fantastic world of paradoxical conversations, a world in which we do not always say what we want to say.
In paradoxical conversations everything is open to doubt. Perhaps this simple and straightforward phrase has a much deeper and more serious background than you can imagine.
Paradoxical conversations and incongruent messagesParadoxical conversations result in incongruent messages that affect communication and, as a consequence, our relationships with others. It is true that we can never deny that our messages always have a meaning that goes beyond, the problem is when that message generates misunderstandings or confusion.
Perhaps we think, at this point, that the problem of all this is generated because words always have a double meaning. But, this is not true. Words do not have a double meaning, we are the ones who give them that meaning.
If you are thinking of an example right now, you can probably identify with the moment when a son or daughter asks his or her mother to go out and the mother answers “you’ll know”. The answer has been positive, but the meaning goes much further. Whether we like it or not, in this response there is a clear mark of authority even if it does not seem so.
Our worst communication problem is that we do not listen to understand. We listen to answer
The mother is giving you the opportunity for your son or daughter to decide to go out or not, but at the same time it is like a warning that she is not really giving you permission. What she really means is that you should do what your mother says.
This happens in all conversations, but where most problems originate is in couple relationships. In this case, it becomes a serious obstacle that can lead to problems and difficulties that result in arguments and misunderstandings within the couple.
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A problem in couple relationshipsIn couple relationships there are two elements that can be considered two fundamental pillars: one is communication and the other one is trust. But, paradoxical conversations cause this to fall apart and problems to surface.
Many couples believe that they have a problem in communication, that they don’t talk as much as they should, something that undermines the relationship little by little. This may be true to some extent, although the problem of that lack of communication may stem from paradoxical conversations.
Without trust and communication there is no relationship, just two people spending time together.
If our “yes” continually means “no”, we will find ourselves in discussions that will get us nowhere. They will only lead to misunderstandings and problems that we will not know how to solve.
This is why this type of conversations will drag on throughout the relationship, leading to a breakup. Can we solve this? Can we put an end to this type of conversations?
The truth is that we have been educated in such a way that we never say clearly what we want to say, but rather what others want to hear. In this way, we have adopted a formula for communicating in which we cover up what we really want to say.
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Intentions and assumptionsFor all this, our conversations are based on intentions and assumptions that give rise to the tremendous misunderstandings. We are continually assuming what others mean, something that, on more than one occasion, yields a negative result.
“Communication is usually a twofold process: on the one hand, someone is trying to send a message; on the other, someone is trying to understand it.”
-Edward De Bono
What’s behind all this? What is really behind paradoxical conversations?
The fear that the other person may not agree with us or may not want the same thing we want causes us to keep our intentions secret.
Making our intentions explicit makes us vulnerable.
We give a glimpse of our desires while testing the other person.
These are just some of the things that hide behind paradoxical conversations, conversations that do not make us very happy and that cause us more than one problem in our daily relationships. The big problem is that we can’t get rid of them and that trying to be clear can be something that causes rejection in other people.
Which paradoxical conversations have you identified with? Are you aware of how ambiguous you are in your communication? We have all at some point said “yes” when it was really a “no”, the point is that many times this is a pattern to follow.
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